WELCOME TO WIDOWED WORLD

18 November 2008

Greetings

Holidaying recently with a group of men and women (only two of whom have been widowed), it was interesting to discover that many of us have been going through a similar experience of having been living for some months in a state of ‘limbo’, old familiar patterns, activities, friends, even family members having drifted out of our lives leaving us feeling a bit empty, emotional and unsure of the future. Happily most of us are now refocusing and it seems as though the way had first to be cleared before we could find new paths, interests and relationships, in some cases even needing to let go of preconceptions or attitudes that were holding us back. It struck me that there are similarities here with the process of bereavement and widowhood.

When we first face life without our partner we cling to the familiar but life is ever evolving and as we’re forced into making decisions for ourselves, the pattern of life begins to change.  Living alone, our eating, sleeping, shopping, style of dress and social patterns are adapted, we lose touch with some people and make new friends, take up new interests, learn skills that help us to remain independent and sometimes even choose a new home or car to suit our changed circumstances.  Little by little the things we thought we’d never be parted from begin to seem less important and eventually we discover that whilst life will never be the same as with our  partner, it is possible to find fulfilment in other ways.

Over the last few years I’ve seen many widowed people take up new challenges such as adventurous singles holidays, university courses, advanced driving lessons, new entrepreneurial businesses, responsible voluntary work and creative writing whilst others have found romance and it’s all happened when the time has been right.  Bereavement is a process we can’t hurry, and for each person the time scale is different but if we can keep our hearts and minds open and have the courage to seize opportunity when it presents itself, we can eventually find new meaning to life and live it to the full.

For me, I’ve been renamed Cosmella Sparkle by some of my friends and will be Fairy Godmother in a very alternative version of ‘Cinderella’ next year!!!

Jacquie