WELCOME TO WIDOWED WORLD

27 February 2009

Greetings,

Today here in Sussex we had a real taste of spring – wall to wall sunshine and the sort of warmth that encourages one to relax and let go of winter tensions.  The week seems to have had a new energy about it with unexpected things happening to family and friends; life changing events that are shaping their lives in new ways and opening up new possibilities.

Also this week, had he lived, my husband would have celebrated his 77th birthday.  I visited his grave which is in a Natural Burial Ground and could clearly see how in five years, nature has reclaimed the soil as was intended. I came to realise that it’s now time for me to hand over and stop trying to hold on to ‘the spot’.  The Burial Ground is in very good hands, all is calm and peaceful, the birds have a magnificent choice of bird boxes in which to make homes and the whole area abounds with wild flowers or those carefully selected for their indigenous species and careful propagation. In future I’ll visit less often on anniversary days but when I do, it will be to enjoy the peace and beauty of the surroundings generally rather than to try and hold back the course of nature.

This week has been momentous in another personal way because after five years of widowhood I’ve decided to take off my wedding ring and may even revert to my maiden name for all but ‘official’ business.  Both these issues are so very personal and I know they cause concern for many people.  In the early days my wedding ring was precious and comforting, latterly it’s given me a sense of protection but now seems the right time for me to let go the symbolism of the ring and face the future as a single and fully independent woman. A return to using my full maiden name feels right and will add to the new self image. The ‘right time’ for both or either has to be when it feels right for you.

If any of our Breakfast Club members was asked if being a member had helped them to come to terms with and manage their widowhood, I’m pretty certain the answer would be a resounding ‘yes’. For that reason alone, I do encourage those of you who feel able to consider setting up a group of your own.  I regularly receive enquiries via the website asking me if there are any similar clubs in other areas and am always sad when I have to say no. If you look in the Hints section, you’ll find ten tips to help you start your own club and I’m always happy to give further advice and encouragement by e-mail.  My best advice is to keep it small – above fifteen it starts to get less personal, and keep it simple.  Just getting together over tea or coffee a couple of times a week and arranging the occasional outing lends a sense of structure to the week and knowing that everyone else is having a similar experience helps to keep things in perspective. Most of all, don’t be afraid to have a good laugh together!

Take time to look at the daffodils!

Jacquie