Health

Preparing for St. Valentine’ Day

St. Valentine’s Day, like so many anniversaries during the early years of widowhood, can be an emotionally challenging one, compounding our sense of loss and making us painfully aware of the many ‘happy couples’ by whom we seem to be surrounded. Is has to be said that not all ‘couples’ observe the tradition or are actually happy and that other ‘single’ people haven’t actually disappeared – we’re simply choosing to ignore them. However, if we look at the origin of St. Valentine’s Day, it may help us to get things into perspective.

According to BBC’s Religion and Ethics -

“It is believed that the young priest (Valentine) rose to distinction after betraying Emperor Claudius in 270 AD by conducting illegitimate wedding ceremonies in the capital. Emperor Claudius claimed that married men made poor soldiers and consequently decreed that all marriages of younger citizens would be outlawed. Bishop Valentine, however, maintained that marriage was part of God's plan and purpose for the world. He continued to conduct marriages in secret between young people, sometimes as young as twelve, in the name of love.

His success gained him unwelcome notoriety, which became Bishop Valentine's downfall. He was jailed and ultimately beheaded, but not before he fell in love with the jailor's daughter. It is thought that on the evening of his execution the bishop passed her a note which read "from your Valentine".
http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/saints/valentine.shtml

Not exactly a ‘lived happily ever after’ ending!

St. Valentine’s Day, dating from a much earlier period in history, is also said to represent fertility and the first day of spring, suggesting a much more positive way of viewing the day. Spring heralds growth, new beginnings and with the unfurling from winter, an opportunity to show love and warmth for everyone (including ourselves) and everything on this amazingly beautiful planet that we inhabit. Around here, the woods are alive with signs of spring such as catkins, snowdrops, daffodil shoots, the first green shoots of wild clematis and in open spaces, the joyful call of a lark, whilst in our gardens, bulbs are bravely peeking their shoots above the seasonal but unusual blankets of snow and that in itself is a joy to behold.

As ever, it helps to plan the day in advance and ideally spend it with people you love or doing things that give you real pleasure, satisfaction and a sense of self worth. With spring in mind, see how many ways you can think of to show your family and friends how much you love them?

Here are a few suggestions –

A pot of colourful primulas outside the front door will send a loving message to neighbours and passers by.

Friends living in sweltering America and Australia, will love to receive photographs by e-mail of our British seasons, especially winter and spring. In turn, they may send photographs of lazy, hazy sunny days to lift the spirits.

Give your pet some extra attention to show how much you appreciate the unconditional love it gives you all year round.

Have a bit of a clear-out and take some things to the local charity shop. Even better, you might offer a little of your time each week to help. Voluntary work is a wonderful way to become involved with your local community and to fill lonely hours.

Phone a friend whom you know will appreciate a call and focus on uplifting conversation.

Bake a cake and invite some neighbours in.

Give your home a little treat – trimming and tidying pot plants, moving things around a bit, buying a new cushion cover or a pot plant, even experimenting with a few paint samples can change the energy and create a new perspective.

Last but not least, we shouldn’t forget to love ourselves! After a lifetime of sharing, raising a family and caring for our partner it can be challenging to do things purely for our own enjoyment but anything that gives us a lift will go a long way towards helping us work positively through this time in our lives.

Doing things for other people not only takes the mind off oneself but also helps to promote self worth and self esteem, two important factors in staying positive and managing widowhood.

7 February 2009