Decisions! Successes or ……….successes!

I’ve just heard a few words that may well have transformed my attitude to decision making and I hope they will do likewise for you as you work through the process of adjusting to bereavement and widowhood. Apparently in the scientific world there is no such thing as a failure! Experiments are carried out after due thought, consideration, the weighing up of pros and cons etc. but if they don’t work or the results are negative, they’re simply regarded as the elimination of one line of enquiry and an opportunity to try something else or to do a similar experiment in a different way. How different from the prevailing and generally uncompromising non-scientific attitude that activities or experiments inevitably result in either success or failure.

This is particularly appropriate for the passage of widowhood when, frequently faced with having to make decisions at a time when our minds lack clarity and focus, we may have difficulty working out the best or right thing to do. Our attempts are often coloured by what we think our late partner would previously have wanted us to do, the well meaning advice of friends or the expectations of family. Quite simply, the best decision is probably the one that is right for us alone – and in the long run it will also be what’s best for everyone else. To do any less is to undervalue ourselves and neglect to honour the unique person that we are. To discover who we truly are calls for experimentation, the heeding to nudges of intuition, recognition of that which excites and empowers us and mindful attention to illuminating glimpses of the things that bring us joy.

By adopting a similar attitude to that of scientists, we can perhaps remove much of the agitation attached to decision making and the stress of endeavouring to make the right ones. To use a simple analogy, life takes us on journeys leading from which are many forks, side roads and cross roads. How exciting to be able to venture hither and thither, testing this, testing that, peering here, there and everywhere, alive and alert to what resonates with us and leads us further down a different route or unerringly along a new road of opportunity. Experimentation is the name of the game, in the certain knowledge that if it doesn’t work – so what – we can serenely check out an alternative, and another – and another if need be. In widowhood, our quest can be ‘potential’ – tapping into and ever becoming more of the magnificent being that we already are and choosing those decisions that best support us!

Consciousness of time can also pressurize us into making hasty decisions, but have you ever noticed how, if something is right, it just falls effortlessly into place? Giving ourselves time to ‘feel’ situations and to ‘sleep on them’ can similarly help us to know how best to handle them. Other decisions may be best left for a future time when we’ve reached a state of greater equilibrium. If we have to ask ourselves whether we’ve reached that state, we probably haven’t – quite, just yet!

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